Parody, April 1, 2019
Words and illustrations by Richard Bartholomew
A renegade group of disgruntled Ferrari mechanics has possibly been committing atrocities on certain Ferraris, but so far nobody is sure of what the heck is going on. Some owners of the fabled Italian brand have reported returning from vacations and finding their prized Ferraris refurbished and redone in odd ways. Inside jobs are suspected but nobody has taken credit yet. The changes range from the simplistic, like the Cyclops-Dino in our lead image, to fantastic, complex modifications like making an SUV out of Testarossa.
The lucky owner of this 348 V8 Ferrari woke up one morning to find he was the proud owner of 348 modified with a Ferrari flat 12 out of a 512! “It sure is faster now,” said the owner.
Whomever they are they work fast and the results are very well done if not an improvement. Owners report that their cars have never run better. Some even suspect alien technology is used in some way because though the cars look fantastic and look like something that actually came from the Maranello factory the cars “now are getting extremely good mileage and no longer require expensive maintenance” report the victims of this travesty. These victims also refused to let our field reporters look too close saying “you might jinx the magic.”
Jay Walker of Altoona, the owner of this 1984 Testarossa, was always getting razzed about the lines of the car and lack of space by his SUV-owning neighbors. Then Jay was sent up the river for a few months, and when he came back his TR had been magically transformed into a flat twelve powered Ferrari SUV! “Now the neighbors don’t laugh anymore,” said Jay.
The only thing certain is they do miracle work and turn run of the mill Ferrari classics into one offs with a modern techno twist. Police are baffled, owners refuse to file complaints and the factory reps are completely mum. But below are a few more custom jobs that have come to light; most of the owners preferred to remain anonymous.
If you are a victim of this crime or wish to report a sighting of an odd Ferrari please call (555)- I-GOTCHA.
Uh Oh, could this be where the V12 for the 348 came from? A swap of engines allowed the Berlinetta Boxer to comfortably seat more people with the use of the much smaller V8. Neat! But in turn, it is a lot slower now!
Bigger, louder powerplants fit easily into the engine bay of this 328 GTS when the human cargo is moved far to the rear. The owner was happy; no longer will his 328 be lost in the long line of similar Ferraris at Concorso Italiano.
This owner was out of the country for six months and returned to find this amazing custom Ferrari in his garage. It was so well done, and so different, the owner promptly forgot what Ferrari it was based on! But he too is happier with this design than the original, which is now just a distant bad dream.
A Ferrari Maranello (we think) was the subject of this high end customization. While the slingshot effect is captivating, from behind the wheel the long hood is daunting. “My wife has problems parking it now,” said John Longjohn, who came back from Bermuda to find his Ferrari customized. He has a pair of binoculars in the glove compartment now so she can see the front end. But at least he didn’t have to pay a cent for the changes. “It’s sorta like graffiti art,” said Longjohn, “You don’t know who did it or why but it is art nonetheless.”
Lack of knowing who is doing this is a problem for some Ferrari owners who have had their cars modified. The owner of this GTC wasn’t too happy with the changes, but can’t find anyone to accuse.
Bravo, Bravo, and a happy April 1th to all
Very good April 1st.
Well done! They certainly made us giggle and appreciate what real designers have accomplished.
At last we could admire Maranello’s SUV, pardon Crossover. And Daimler’s Smart-for-Two is getting some pressure from the compacted GTC. Very good news indeed!
I can see why that last guy is pissed. He may look like a NASCAR fan but I’ll bet he finds getting in and out through the window darned inconvenient.
It had to be Sean, Mike and Howard of Tucker notoriety! Very funny gag. Now all they have to do is re-abscond the Dino and paint it green. See everyone at New Cannon on 14th and Garden City the 21st. Christopher Morley could not have produced a better story!