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Racing


Red Shenanigans
United States Grand Prix

October 2, 2002

by Erik C. Nielsen
Pictures courtesy and copyright Ferrari Media

The Formula One circus returned to the American mid-west for the third time to stage their little gathering at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. The Speedway, world famous in the United States, has provided a proper track to host the event lately. True, up-state New York would be charming this time of year, but thank God we’re not running in a parking lot in Las Vegas. I’d get in too much trouble with the topless dancers in the latter.

Ferrari continued their domination of the season and placed one-two on both the qualifying grid and the final standings. Because the races have become a boring watch-the-red-cars-beat-the-hell-out-of-everyone-else parade, Schumacher managed to find something new to give something for the press to get their knickers in a knot over. What should have been a photo finish with two nice red cars next to each other, turned out to be a surprise win for Barrichello.


Herr Schumacher slowed a little too much and let Rubens skate by and win by less than a foot. It will go down as the closest race finish in the sport. Michael joked in the press conference that it was just one more record that he wanted to set. This was the second time that he’s fallen asleep here. Two years ago, he fell asleep at the wheel while leading and spun.

For those that will take this too seriously, you know who you are (if you booed the results of the Austrian GP, I mean you buddy), need I remind you that this is more entertainment and a marketing stunt. Real gentlemen racing never existed, or at least not the way the sappy, teary-eyed media portrays it. Deal with it; it doesn’t really affect your day to day life.

The one thing that it does affect is the driver’s championship. Rubens has now sealed up second place mathematically, making this one of Ferrari’s best years ever. Only two other drivers have won this year, so the team hasn’t quite matched the McLarens of Prost and Senna from several years back.

As for everyone else that showed up, here’s how they stacked up:

McLaren– David put in an excellent race, but never could challenge the Ferraris. Even when they pitted twice to his one stop strategy, they always managed to stay ahead. Kimi went McKlunking when his Mercedes engine blew up. How come this never shows up in the new E-class ad? Maybe the Genie will give him a new E.

BMW-Williams– Oh boy is Patrick Head pissed. I could make a really tasteless joke about Frank wanting to kick Ralf’s ass, but I won’t. Schumacher Jr., the genius of the family (are you being snide), managed to break his own wing (remember what BMW stood for, last year) on his team mate’s rear wheel, causing half of Germany to yell Scheiße at once. (My better half yelled so loud and so long that the cats ran in fear for their lives.) Juan Pablo managed this deficit and came out fourth.

Renault– Both drivers had an acceptable race, with Trulli finishing in the points, again. If Ralf gets fired, Sir Frank needs to grab him ASAP. The young Englishman finished a respectable 8th.

BAR– JV managed to keep up the pace at the track that he’s won at before, albeit driving in a circle going the other way, and capture the last point of the race. Panis finished a lap down in 12th.

Sauber– Frentzen finished 2 laps down in 13th, showing that this may not be the best match up. Heidfeld finished 9th.

Jaguar – They suck, who cares. (Erik!)

Toyota– They suck harder, who cares. (Eri. . . well, I might have to agree with you -- The better half)

Minardi– They really suck, who cares. (No, they blow!! You saw the smoke, right?.)

For those that were stuck watching the race on the "Always Broadcasts Crap" network in the United States and had to put up with a 30 minute ad for Red Bull’s (the overpriced sugar drink in a mini-can) American driver hunt, do you now understand why NASCAR is so popular and why there isn’t an American driver in F1? I hope those that don’t either Tivo’d through the crap, or had one too many Bloody Mary’s after church.



The 2002 season wraps up in Suzuka in two weeks. The fat woman has all but left the building.

Race Results

1 BARRICHELLO Ferrari 1h31m07.934s
2 M.SCHUMACHER Ferrari +0.011s
3 COULTHARD McLaren Mercedes +7.799s
4 MONTOYA Williams BMW +9.911s
5 TRULLI Renault +56.847s
6 VILLENEUVE BAR Honda +58.211s
7 FISICHELLA Jordan Honda + 1 lap
8 BUTTON Renault +1 lap
9 HEIDFELD Sauber Petronas +1 lap
10 IRVINE Jaguar Cosworth +1 lap
11 SATO Jordan Honda +1 lap
12 PANIS BAR Honda +1 lap
13 FRENTZEN Sauber Petronas +2 laps
14 SALO Toyota +2 laps
15 MCNISH Toyota +2 laps
16 R.SCHUMACHER Williams BMW +2 laps
17 RAIKKONEN McLaren Mercedes +23 laps
18 YOONG Minardi Asiatech +27 laps
19 WEBBER Minardi Asiatech +35 laps
20 DE LA ROSA Jaguar Cosworth +46 laps





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