The Iceman Stayeth
Monaco Grand Prix

By Erik Nielsen
Photos courtesy and copyright Ferrari Media

Proving that he's not a one hit wonder, Kimi Räikkönen dominated the Monaco Grand Prix this weekend by not only capturing pole, but leading every lap. The Flying Finn was still very boring in the press conference (does his jaw even move when he talks?), but his driving style was quick and to the point. If the McClunken-McSmoker is finally this good a car, then Renault's hope of a cake walk season are over. If he continues on like this, would someone please tell him not to use the Easy English tapes by Nigel Mansel? Juan Pablo Montoya finished the race in fifth showing that the car is competitive and he still is too fat.

While the folks in Munich were disappointed that neither of Sir Frank Williams' boys won the race, they should have been happy that they got the next two spots on the podium. BMW-Williams haven't looked this strong in a long time. The team was jumping for joy at the result. Well, everyone except Frank. I know I'm going to get at least one nasty letter for that one.

With the German-powered contingent grabbing all of the podium spots, the eyes of the world were spared unnecessary air time of Flavio Briotore chasing supermodels up and down the pit lane. Thank god the TV cameras missed the entourage heading down to the marina. Fernando Alonso was on track to finish second, but a combination of failing rear tires and two drivers in blue driving harder than he was ended the Spaniard's string of podium finishes. Giancarlo Fisichella would finish a lap back in twelfth place, basically the last competitive car.

Fourth place through eighth were covered by only 1.1 seconds, making it both exciting and painfully obvious that it is almost impossible to pass here. Ralf Schumacher proved that he is worth some of the huge sum of money that he is being paid by Toyota and finished ahead of both Ferraris. The younger Schumacher complained that his brother was a little too aggressive at the end of the race when he tried to jump from eighth to sixth but ended up in seventh. Well, duh. Isn't being aggressive one of the reasons that the elder Schumacher has won as many titles as he has? You don't exactly coast to victory in this sport, do you?

"Burino" Barrichello was running seventh but finished in the last points-paying-position because he fell a sleep at the wheel and tried to coast in as well. And he wonders why the media always portray him as a number two driver.

One of the more interesting sites this weekend was the Star Wars branding of the Red Bull Racing team. Jeez, the things that people do for money these days. What was more ludicrous was that the pit mechanics were dressed up like storm troopers and cars were labeled with "powered by the dark side". First, everyone knows that McLaren is Lord Vader's team. Second, the bad guys lose. And in this case, neither car finished the race. If you are going to be a whore for money in racing, at least think about what you are doing before you deposit the check.

BAR-Honda wasn't here because of their ban resulting from their creative way of interpreting the rule book. You can bet they will be back with a vengeance when they return.

Monaco is usually the only hope for Minardi to get points during the season, assuming that everyone else crashes out in front of them. It didn't pan out this time with Albers causing a classic Monaco traffic jam when he spun out at Mirabeau. I'm sure Paul Stoddard didn't care why the cameras were on his team's car, as long as they caught the logos in focus, he was happy.

And finally, the FIA released an internet survey for the fans to try and solicit input for how to make it a better show. But regardless of how fast an internet connection you had, it always seemed to kick you off regardless of how many times you tried to complete it. The subliminal message I got from all of it is they can now say that they were interested in listening, but at the end of the day, they didn't care.

The circus returns to a proper track at the Nurburgring next week, where hopefully, we'll see something a little more exciting than a fast parade surrounded by shady people in the sun.