Winners of the Alfa Amore Caption Contest

Here are the Top Entries, with comments from Burt Levy below the caption idea. Find out if you are a winner!

“This beer tastes like engine oil, so why not?”
-Michael Gordon

Ouch! Heileman’s Old Style beer was proudly brewed by the G. Heileman Brewery in La Crosse, WI, which started operations in 1858 and was a great and popular local Midwestern brand until a junk-bond, hostile and waaaay over-extended leveraged buyout by ambitious Australian beer baron Alan Bond in 1987. It ultimately led to bankruptcy when Bond’s house of cards finally collapsed. The brewery and brand were ultimately sold to Strohs, but I believe wound up with Pabst after Pabst/Miller bought Strohs and split up its brand assets. Old Style was my go-to “popularly priced” beer at a time of life when brake pads, tires and entry fees were higher priorities.

“How many times have I told you Eric?. . . don’t smoke when you’re tuning the carbs!! Only saved it thanks to my Peroni”
-Christopher Cole

Cute and apropos, but if this were a student exam paper, I’d have to mark it down for its inaccuracies. First, as anyone can plainly see, it’s an Old Style, not a Peroni. And who but a northern-European or American heathen would drink Peroni out of a can? Finally, as stated many, many times in the story, my Alfa had SPICA fuel objection (pardon me, “injection”), NOT carburetors.

“Eric!… this ‘shit’ don’t work for me anymore, (burp)
Maybe it will start this Alfa! (Ya, babé …burp)”
-Peter Schömer

Somehow you expect a little more in the way of class, taste and style from a Brit…eh wot?

“i christen thee synchro.”
-Richard Reel

The “I” should obviously be capitalized. But I like the sentiment.

“Eric tried to restrain Mongo from setting the Alfa ablaze, but Mongo would not be stopped.”
-John Jeffries

Good “Blazing Saddles” reference, but it looks more like I’m trying to put a fire (or at the very least an arcing plug wire) out rather than setting it ablaze.

“Allora, I baptize thee in the nome of Nicola, Farina e Enzo.”
-Terry Quilico

“nome?” Isn’t that a town in Alaska? And shouldn’t it be capitalized?

Needs more “Juice”
-Donald Johnson

Simple but appropriate as a caption.

“Javier Bardem and Jon Favreau “lubricating” their Alfa Spider.”
-Joe Melehan

I prefer my movie-actor references from before the gauche move to color. Even better pre-code! And which one of us is Javier Bardem? But Eric and I are thrilled that you think we look that stylish.

“No, no, no, Signore Levy! You must add only Lambrusco to the Alfa!”
-Harry Noller

See below.

“Take this racing oil spread it over each plug….THAT’S ITALIAN.”
-Harry (last name unknown)

Shouldn’t there be an “and” between “oil” and “spread?” And if there’s olive oil (EV, of course) in my Old Style can, things have gotten even worse than I thought since the Strohs’ takeover.

“A young Andy Granatelli tests out his first formulation of what would later become known as STP.”
-George (last name unknown)

Is this a reference to my circumferential girth? But clever and apropos as a caption.

“No Luigi, it’s an Alfa use Chianti.”
-Bob Weiner

I’d put ellipses after Alfa, italicize “Chianti” and end with an exclamation point.

“6 drops of essence of terror,
5 drops of sinnester sauce,
And it’s alive!!!!!!!!!”
-Rob Sbrana

I like the old Frankenstein movie reference (or pick almost any other old B&W mad doctor/monster movie) but minor technical flag for the spelling of “sinister.”

And finally, this from Doug Stokes:

Hawkins: I’ve got it! I’ve got it! The pellet with the poison’s in the vessel with the pestle; the chalice from the palace has the brew that is true! Right?
Griselda: Right, but there’s been a change. They broke the chalice from the palace.
Hawkins: They broke the chalice from the palace?!
Griselda: And replaced it with a flagon.
Hawkins: A flagon?
Griselda: With the figure of a dragon.
Hawkins: Flagon with a dragon.
Griselda: Right.
Hawkins: But did you put the pellet with the poison in the vessel with the pestle?
Griselda: No! The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon! The vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true!
Hawkins: The pellet with the poison’s in the flagon with the dragon; the vessel with the pestle has the brew that is true.
Griselda: Just remember that.

In Burt’s case: rinse and repeat the above several times in an increasingly loud tone of voice.

-Doug Stokes

Superb! But what do you expect from Doug Stokes? This wonderful bit (from “The Court Jester” with Danny Kaye) is priceless. A bit long for a caption and not 100% apropos, but priceless all the same. Think he already has one of the audiobooks, but I’d happily send him a TLOR shirt to add to his collection.

And the Winners are:

Second Runner Up: Bob Weiner will receive a hard copy of The Last Open Road.
First Runner Up: Joe Melehan will receive a hard copy of The Last Open Road.
Winner: Harry Noller for “No, no, no, Signore Levy! You must add only Lambrusco to the Alfa!”
The winner gets both a hard copy of The Last Open Road PLUS the audiobook version (CD set or USB flash drive).

Burt will be in touch with the winners via email and send them their prizes as soon as he gets a street mailing address. If you have any questions, contact Burt at thinkfast@mindspring.com